I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
