She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
