At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
