the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
