i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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