My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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