Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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