its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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