So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
