I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
