ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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