Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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