I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
