Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
