So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
