We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
