I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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