I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
