I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
