I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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