Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
