Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
