don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
