don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
