Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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