Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
