Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
