just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
