That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
