just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like, not good at living.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
