I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did i walk over a car last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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