You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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