Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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