is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
