your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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