Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
