I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
