One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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