If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
