I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
