We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i drank out of a bidet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The uberlube is also flammable
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
