So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
