dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
