If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
