I hate your face
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
