I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He did a backflip because drugs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
