I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
