Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
