Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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