The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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