I think i peed on brittanys purse
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
