she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
