Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
