Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
