I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
